The 5 People You're Going to See at the Shore This 4th of July

1) Working From Home Guy:  This is the friend who wants everyone to know that his job is SO important that he can't take a minute away--even on the beach.  He probably works in finance or as a lawyer and he almost definitely makes more money than you (and has almost definitely made that clear more than once).  He'll spend the entire beach day scrolling through his super cool "work issued blackberry" or pretending to read materials he felt necessary to print out and bring with him.  Doesn't matter that he's been looking at espn.com or staring at the same graph for the past hour, his work is crazy special and important and he wants the world to know it.  

2) Patriotic Drunk Guy:

He will be wearing at least ONE piece of American flag clothing for the entire long weekend.  More importantly, he will make it his patriotic duty to make sure he is getting obliterated at all times.  Expect him to randomly break into the Star Spangled Banner at any time while always looking for a reason to chug a beer.  Can't hate on this guy--he gets it...

3) Super Drunk Party Girl:

Like Patriotic Drunk Guy, she comes to the shore on 4th of July to get LOOSE.  She'll likely be in a bikini top for the majority of the weekend, dancing to music that's often only in her head and screaming for the newest Rihanna song to be played again.  She'll chug beers with Patriotic Drunk Guy and maybe even let him take shots off her stomach, but sadly she'll inevitably go to bed with Working From Home Guy...

4) Instragram Girl:

She will spend the entire weekend documenting the "unique awesomeness" of 4th of July weekend for all 86 of her followers.  Any American flag that she sees will become an artistic commentary on the cost of our independence once she applies the "Valencia" filter.  Don't let a red Solo Cup sit next to a blue one--she'll be all over that in a second too...

5) Hardo on the Grill:

This Next Iron Chef will take his 4th of July grilling duties WAY too seriously.  Don't even step next to him while he's at work because you might create hot spots on the grill.  Never mind that he's cooking frozen Bubba Burgers and burning National Hebrew franks, he's got a job to do and for him it's serious business.  As an added bonus, he'll be sure to spend the night fishing for complements on his burgers and touting his "secret sauce" (ketchup and mayonnaise).

HONORABLE MENTION

1) Severe Sunburn Guy:  

4th of July weekend is his first weekend at the shore and he's going to make up for lost time.  He's looking to get that sweet tan on day 1 and he knows the best way to do that is to apply 4 SPF tanning oil.  He won't even realize just how bad the burn is until he's left the beach and steps into the shower.  He'll spend the rest of the weekend reeking like aloe vera and wearing a long sleeve shirt.  As an added bonus, he gets to look like Captain Asshole at work on Monday with his red and now peeling face.

2) Independence Day Expert:

In case you had forgotten, 4th of July is not just a day off from work.  It's about celebrating our nation's independence.  And this guy will be sure to remind you of that every chance he gets.  Do you know the history of the American flag or when Independence Day was first celebrated as a national holiday? Doesn't matter if you don't care, cause this guy is going to tell you anyway.