Meet The Homeless Woman Who Snuck Into the Air Force's Premier Combat Base...FOUR TIMES!

Catch me if you can....
Source: 

Woman charged with sneaking into MacDill AFB four times

TAMPA — Military bases in the United States have become fortresses since the 2001 terrorist attacks, with security stepped up and access limited.

Keeping bad guys out is especially important at MacDill Air Force Base because it is home to two of the nation's premier combat commands — U.S. Special Operations Command and Central Command.

But sometimes, all it takes is a garbage can.

A homeless woman has managed to sneak into MacDill four times since October 2012 and live on the base for days at a time, an arrest affidavit by a MacDill investigator says. In one instance, Suzanne M. Jensen, 50, told authorities she entered MacDill by turning a garbage can upside down and using it to climb a wall.

Jensen was charged last month with four trespassing charges and possession of a stolen military ID. She has not yet been arrested on the charges and is not yet represented by a lawyer.

When I read the headline of this article, I was picturing some elaborate stunts.  A calculated, skilled con-woman utilizing advanced technologies and tricks of the trade.  I pictured the French dude from Ocean's 12, scaling walls and hand gliding and shit. Then I saw this chick's mugshot.  WTF?  Let me give you the highlights of this HOMELESS woman's FOUR break-ins in the past year:

On Oct. 1, 2012, a retired Air Force officer who hires his boat out for fishing excursions, discovered Jensen on his vessel docked at the MacDill marina. Jensen held the boat's ignition keys.   "Jensen told him she was with Intelligence Operations and had just come from the Pentagon, which she claimed had given her permission to board all of the boats," the affidavit says.  Morris tried to detain her, but she jumped into the water and swam away, the affidavit says.

--You know why the Yankees always win? It's 'cause the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes....Suzanne Jensen pulling a move straight from Frank Abigail's book. And when that went wrong, she jumped ship. Literally...

On Nov. 18, Jensen "showed officers that she used a trash can she got from softball fields just outside the gate to enter the base,"

Good to know that our nation's most important Air Force base was breached by a woman using a trash can to climb over the gate.  Seriously. Feeling very good about our security.

I won't bore you w/the details of the other 2 breaches, but can we just all agree that Suzanne Jensen needs to be taken under Tom Hank's supervision and made to help the U.S. keep terrorists off our bases?