Yeah. So This Happened...

Business Insider
Thailand's premier university has apologized for displaying a billboard that showed Adolf Hitler alongside Superman and other superheroes, saying it was painted by ignorant students who didn't realize Hitler's image would offend anyone.

The huge billboard was placed outside the art faculty of Chulalongkorn University as part of a tribute to this year's graduating class.

It said "Congratulations" in bold white letters and showed Hitler with his arm raised in a Nazi salute next to Batman, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk and Iron Man.

"[We] would like to formally express our sincere apology for our students' 'Superhero' mural," art school dean Suppakorn Disatapundhu said in a statement issued on Monday. "I can assure you we are taking this matter very seriously."

The billboard was up for two days before being removed on Saturday in response to criticism. Online photographs showed graduating students in their robes, mimicking Hitler's raised arm salute.

Dr Suppakorn said that freshman art students had painted the banner as part of a traditional send-off from incoming students to the graduating class, and it was one of dozens of banners and billboards across the campus during the university's commencement period.

The artistic vision behind the picture was to show that good and bad people coexist in the world, Dr Suppakorn said after summoning the students for an explanation.

"They told me the concept was to paint a picture of superheroes who protect the world," the dean said in a telephone interview.

"Hitler was supposed to serve as a conceptual paradox to the superheroes," he said, noting that the superheroes were painted in vivid colors, while Hitler's image was in grey scale. "This kind of thoughtless display will not happen again."

First of all, the idea that these students didn't realize Hitler's image would offend anyone is PREPOSTEROUS.  We're talking about college educated Thai kids, not a bunch of Pygmy folk in the jungles of Africa.  And don't tell me they haven't been exposed to Jews or the other 80% of the world who knows the Holocaust is a no touch subject.  Westerners have been coming to Thailand and banging these kids' parents and sisters for years.

The justification offered by the school dean was pretty entertaining.  I gotta try this grey scale thing.

This Fat Pig Should be Dragged Through the Streets of Boston

Sean Kelly, a reporter for WCVB in Boston, tweeted that several Dzhokhar supporters showed up to court today.  One of his pig supporters was wearing the shirt above.  I really don't understand people like this. At all.

Bloomberg Magazine Killing the Dick Joke Game

Who says financial geeks can't be funny?

Philadelphia Dry Cleaner Delivers by Drone. Sort of.

Nice tuck job bro...

Asians Eat Weird Things

Video is a little too long, but this was funny because it's true.  Asians definitely eat weird shit.  Last month, I had to ride Jersey Transit from Trenton to NYC while staring at 3 Asian ladies shoveling shrimp puffs down their throat at like 10am.  Almost made me puke.  Didn't help that I was already looking to the grace of God to help me keep down the pint of Jamesons in my stomach from the night before.  Another time I actually saw an Asian baby sucking on dried seaweed like it was a teething toy. Weird shit.

Next time these guys should just spend 2 minutes on Asians eating weird things and use the other 2.5 minutes of their video to sing about how they have no body hair, try too hard in pickup basketball games, are good at math and think Honda Civics are the shit.

Meet The Homeless Woman Who Snuck Into the Air Force's Premier Combat Base...FOUR TIMES!

Catch me if you can....

Welp. It's Finally Happening...The Rapture is Coming to Vegas

NBC NEWS:

Fire crews in Nevada battled two large wildfires Tuesday, one blazing through a mountain area northwest of Las Vegas that billowed smoke that could be seen from the famous Strip, and another raging near Reno.

A force of more than 800 firefighters and other personnel were working to protect homes and a recreation area from the Carpenter 1 fire, burning on the landmark peak Mount Charleston, 35 miles northwest of Las Vegas.

Kind of saw this coming.  After years of gambling beyond their means, banging prostitutes, blowing coke off tits at the Spearmint Rhino, sucking dicks in elevators, engaging in copious amounts of illicit drugs, drunkenly grabbing strangers' body parts, cheating on their spouses, selling their children into sex slavery, and generally disregarding all rules of human decency; the patrons of Las Vegas are set to meet their doom.  Fuck James Franco's house party.  THIS is The End.  I'm not entirely sure how I've managed to be spared, but I'm definitely on the lookout for a free trip to Vegas this week. Based on my own Vegas visits I am certain myself and many friends and stoolies alike will be pulled uncontrollably to Vegas in the next few days.

PS--I'll tell you who truly deserves to burn in hell for eternity out there--any parent who brings their kids to the pool at the Hard Rock or the Cosmopolitan.  Absolute sickos.  Dudes are literally penetrating sluts in the shallow end while these parents let Johnny and Jane play Marco Polo in their swimmies.

Target Issued Awesomely Racist Memo to Its Warehouse Managers

Source:
   "Target provided its distribution warehouse managers a document titled, 'Organization Effectiveness, Employee and Labor Relations Multi-Cultural Tips,'" the complaint states. "This document instructs managers to note differences among Hispanic employees, and states the following:
     "a. Food: not everyone eats tacos and burritos;
     "b. Music: not everyone dances to salsa;
     "c. Dress: not everyone wears a sombrero;
     "d. Mexicans (lower education level, some may be undocumented);
     "e. Cubans (Political refugees, legal status, higher education level); and
     "f. They may say 'OK, OK' and pretend to understand, when they do not, just to save face."

This memo had to be a joke gone too far.  I'm picturing a room full of Target execs celebrating the end of some tedious cultural awareness and productivity project with key bumps and whiskey shots.  After a while they're fucked up and someone starts talking about all the "damn Mexicans in these warehouses."  This leads to another exec joking that they should come up with a new cultural awareness memo for the Mexican workers.  From that point, they're just taking turns spitting out Hispanic stereotypes between whiskey pulls and bursts of laughter.  Pretty soon they're blacked out drunk and giving the memo to one of their secretaries to distribute...

That has to be how it went down--cause NO ONE is distributing a memo to remind his managers that "not everyone eats tacos and burritos." No one sober anyway.  "F" deserves special mention though, cause that one is right on point--all my gardeners and cleaning ladies have pulled this shit with me at one time or another.

Today's Journey in Wikipedia: MC Skat Kat

New feature I'm going to do here.  A day's journey through wikipedia can take you to some crazy places and leave you with some real (useless?) knowledge.  Today's inspiration was hearing Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract at the gym.  Got me thinking, What was up w/MC Skat Kat?

Well here are some interesting tidbits:

The idea of Skat Kat came from the Gene Kelly movie Anchors Aweigh, in which Kelly's character dances with Jerry, the mouse from the Tom and Jerry cartoon series. He was animated by members of the Disney animation team, working outside the studio between major projects, under the direction of Chris Bailey.

The character released an album entitled The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob in 1991, but the release of the album flopped quickly after being issued in that same year. 

--I need this album and I needed it yesterday.

According to the press kit from Virgin Records' media information, Skat Kat is a "street philosopher with an alley Kat point of view." He enjoys rapping and dancing, has "got an eye for the ladies," and "remains on the smooth tip with an old school rap influence which adds the street to his new school hip hop."

--I mean what more could you ask for? Dude's got an eye for the ladies (respect), but is careful to remain on the smooth tip while adding the street to his new school hip hop? Absolute stud.  I believe the stool talked about what animated characters they would put in their crew once--well MC Skat Kat was a BAD omission. 

Down But Not Out

So Maurice over at philly.barstoolsports.com didn't pick my blog to compete in the Final 4.  Swift knockout to my hopes and dreams of writing for the stool.  But like my man Rocky said, "But it ain't about how hard you're hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!"

I'm moving forward. I'm not done.  For the record, I think some of my blogs have been pretty damn good--good enough for the stool even (and I hold all those guys in high regard).  Hell, one was even good enough for Mo himself to plagiarize 3 days later (See my 76ers Summer Roster blog and compare it to his 3 days later).  So, the show must go on.

The Cronut Just Got Served

For two months now, the Cronut Craze has been in full force.  Idiots sleeping outside Dominique Ansel's bakery, waiting in line for hours, or paying $300 dollars for a Cronut on the black market.  Well, I'd say Clafouti Patisserie & Cafe in Toronto just put the Cronut on notice with this croissant-oreo cookie hybrid creation they're calling the Crookie.  Is this a completely over the top, excessively obese, cheap attempt to get in on a croissant hybrid craze? Absolutely.  Is it going to be delicious? I have no doubt. Reminds me of this snack mix we used to make in college--candy corn, popcorn and Doritos.  Excessively obese? Sure. Delicious? You bet.

50 Cent Absolutely CRUSHES his 16 Year Old Son During Text Exchange

So apparently back in January, 50 Cent went to visit his son and his son didn't answer the door (It's not really clear if 50 was actually there and his son hid or if he wasn't actually at the house--depends which side of the convo you believe).  50 didn't quite like this and lost his mind over text.  Some pretty funny lines in the transcript--I'll just highlight the best ones for you.  Also entertaining, 50 Cent's son casual take on the English language..I'm DEFINITELY taking the phrase "You're fronting hard body now"

Full Transcript on Radar:

50 Cent: I saw you looking out the window good luck in life. Your gonna need it.

Marquise: Lol u fronting hard body now, how u going to see me when I’m in the basement lmao

50 Cent: F*ck you

50 Cent: You are your mother child

Marquise: Lol why would u lie about that lol

50 Cent: I need a blood test cause that d*ck sucking b*tch you call mom was f*cking the hole time

50 Cent: I don’t think your funny at all. I drove out here for nothing.

Marquise: Pops ur trippen now, why u won’t been get one u had 16 years lol, I know u lying bc u didt even call me too go outside

50 Cent: Are you f*cking stupid. You had me drive over there why do you think I needed a address sh*t head. I saw the lights go out then some one playing in the blinds and there no party going on. F*ck you to

50 Cent: You are your mothers son. I don’t have a son anymore.

50 Cent: You are bigger enough to know better so f*ck you stop texting me

Marquise: Ight

50 Cent: Tell your mother she won. She has you and ill make another. I will have nothing to do with you. Don’t text me ever again.

50 Cent: F*ck you all you want is a gift. Like your mother and your ungrateful sister.

50 Cent: Delete my number.

50 Cent: You never call what the f*ck I’m suppose to call you to give you something sorry

Meet the Man Who Stood Underneath an Open Hole Toilet to Peep on Women

He crawled through a river of shit, and came out peeping on the other side...

Ryan Howard Out 6-8 Weeks with Torn Meniscus

This should really come as no surprise to anyone who's watched Ryan Howard hobble around the base paths this year, but I guess it's somewhat encouraging to know that some of his performance woes could be injury related? Forget the late 2000's. Those years are long gone. But I'm saying he could be serviceable if he gets himself 100% healthy again--and considering we're stuck with him, that's better than nothing.

The good news is this frees up significant time for Darren Ruf to get a real shot.  I don't want to see Charlie mess around with this situation--just put Ruf in the lineup and let the guy play every day until Howard's back.  He deserves to play everyday and not feel like he has to press.

Badass Man Hog Ties Burglar and Leaves Him for Police While He Goes to Work

Source
An Oklahoma homeowner – fearing his house was about to be broken into – ambushed a burglary suspect and left him hogtied on his front lawn until police arrived.  Denay Houston, the Tulsa homeowner's wife, said the incident began early Wednesday when she woke up to the sound of glass shattering in her daughter's bedroom, News On 6 reports. They found a folding chair inside the room.

The husband – who was not identified in reports but works with horses and reportedly knows his way around a rope –  hid behind their front door and sprang out when the suspect, Robert Cole, 31, passed, the report said.

He managed to hogtie Cole and call police before leaving the scene for work, the report said.
"That's just the type of person he is, you know? That's just the type of person he is. Business is business. 'I got to take care of business, he's safe, the police are coming, I got to go,'" Houston told News9.com. "That's my man. I got adrenaline running through me like nobody's business right now, and being nine months pregnant doesn't help any."
Cole faces a burglary charge and is held at the Tulsa County jail on a $32,000 bond. Police said Cole appeared to be on drugs at the time of his arrest, News On 6 reports.

Love this homeowner.  A real man's man.  Burglar at the house? Have to go to work? No problem. Bum rush the burglar, hogtie that dude and head to work.  Easy.  But I'll be honest, this story for me is all about the news coverage below.  Straight Oklahoma redneck from the time the anchorman drops an "Oklahoma Justice" to the end where I'm still not sure what the reporter's last word was. 





PS--If someone hasn't made this into a Youtube Autotune by day's end I will be shocked and incredibly disappointed.  I don't have the video editing skills or tech savvy to do it myself so I'll layout the key lyrics for a remix for those who do:

:28 "Adrenaline running through me like nobody's business" 
:44 "A raccoon didn't do that"
:54 "Then He bum rushed him"
1:03 "That's my man"
1:21 "Business is  business. I gotta take care of business"
1:48 Head nod (on loop for days)

Title it "Business is Business" and you've got a hit.

Like Father Like Son...?

NY Daily News:
The adult son of Giants legend Lawrence Taylor was arrested in Georgia on Sunday on three felony charges of statutory rape, sodomy and child molestation.

Lawrence Taylor Jr., 31, remains jailed on no bond after his arrest in Powder Springs. The NFL Hall of Famer’s 6-foot-1, 230-pound son was arrested about 5:30 a.m. Sunday in the city, which sits about 25 miles northwest of Atlanta, according to the Cobb County Sheriff’s Office. Taylor Jr. lives in Powder Springs but was arrested at a different home in the town.

The aggravated sodomy and aggravated child molestation charges stem from an incident Saturday afternoon at Taylor Jr.’s house when a girl, described as under 18 years old, says Taylor Jr. “did with force spread her legs then pulled her bathing suit to the side and gave her oral sex,” according to the arrest warrant. The girl reportedly told him no several times before the unwanted act occurred.

Just 2 years after the greatest linebacker to ever play the game was given probation for his statutory rape charges, LT's son is charged with "statutory rape, sodomy and child molestation." Circumstances are a bit different obviously.  LT the legend patronized a 16 year old prostitute and thought she was 19.  LT Jr. on the other hand, forcibly eating out a 16 year old girl. Not cool.  Gotta say, when I saw the sodomy charges, i would NOT have put my money on LT Jr. having forced the girl to let him go down on her...That's just a wrinkle I didn't see coming (Pun intended? Nooooo).

Amanda Bynes Steps Up her Troll Game in Attempt to Stay Relevant

Barack Obama and Michelle Obama are ugly!
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) July 8, 2013

 I don't know about you guys, but I've grown pretty tired with Amanda Bynes whole deal lately.  I was pretty much over her once she stopped taking pictures of her tits and devoted all of her time to tweeting how ugly Drake is while also tweeting how much she loves him.  Still, I guess it's kind of noteworthy that she decided to call the President of the United States and his wife ugly.  Guess when you're clinging to stay relevant you shoot for the top dogs.

New Zealand School Teacher Fired for Eating Student's Lunches (Even Better Story Buried in the Article)

NZ Herald

A teacher at a childcare centre has been censured after she was caught on camera stealing food from the lunchboxes of her pupils.

A Teachers Council complaints assessment committee decision said the children were not believed at first when they complained that food was going missing from their lunchboxes in November 2011.

It was not until the woman was caught on CCTV opening the children's lunchboxes and either putting the contents in a plastic bag, a pocket or straight into her mouth, that it became apparent the children were telling the truth.

The woman did not deny the allegations and in a letter to the Teachers Council made no excuses for her behaviour, accepting that it amounted to serious misconduct.

In another decision, a high school teacher had his registration cancelled after threatening to kill his Year 11 science students, saying he hoped to meet them down a dark alley.

School authorities learned last year of the threats after a parent complained in May that the man had "threatened to smash the children's heads in" and said she had concerns about his behaviour in the past.

The teacher admitted in a meeting with the acting principal that he had "lost the plot" verbally with the Year 11 students but that he did not "throttle the clowns".

Separately, four other students complained that the teacher was so upset with a group of latecomers to the class that he called the entire group "motherf*****s", and stood in front of a group of girls and said, "I hope I meet youse [sic] down a dark alleyway so I can kill the lot of youse, make youse bleed and cry for help."

Students said they felt uncomfortable and scared.

The board of trustees of the school, which was not named in the decision, determined the man's behaviour amounted to serious misconduct and he resigned in June last year.

The Teachers Council has cancelled his registration. APNZ

Sometimes you go to blog one thing and the world that is absurd news takes you in a completely different direction.  Here I was, excited to blog about this New Zealand school teacher eating kids' lunches--I even queued up the obligatory Billy Madison photo--and then, halfway through the article I'm hit with THE REAL STORY.  Forget the kids crying about a hungry teacher sampling their Lunchables (though it IS hilarious that nobody believed the kids until video evidence surfaced....), let's talk about this year 11 science teacher going HAM on his students with straight gangster threats.  

I mean, every teacher at one point or another has probably been fed up with a bunch of snotty 17 year olds.  Every teacher has probably fantasized about telling some punk kids he'd love to kick their ass.  But really, "So I can kill the lot of youse, make youse bleed and cry for help?" Wow.  That's some shit right there. Too far man.  Too far.

PS--LOVE the New Zealand slang.  Next time I snap on someone, I will definitely be working "lost the plot verbally" into my apology.

Anderson Silva Acts Like a Douche. Gets Knocked Out.

I'm not really into UFC and probably won't ever blog about it again, but I think this knockout of Anderson Silva is my favorite sports moment of the summer so far.  I get that Silva is considered like the GOAT of MMA or something, but his cockiness was next level.  I can't imagine ANYTHING more satisfying than knocking a guy out after he taunts you like this.

PS--The blank look of Silva as he falls to ground has me watching this GIF over and over. Dude's eyes are just empty.

Meet the 3 Bros Who Stole a 600ft Purple Chicken Statue for a Joyride

Murderers Row right there...

ATF's Sting Operation to Sell Guns to Mexican Cartels Continues to Reap Benefits

HuffPo:

Two more murders have been linked to a U.S. agency's "gunrunning" program, according to Department of Justice documents, the Los Angeles Times reported Friday.

A rifle used to kill Mexican police chief Luis Lucio Rosales Astorga and his bodyguard in January was one of those lost during Operation Fast and Furious, a program carried out by the Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms and Tobacco (ATF)'s Arizona office from 2009-2011.

Astorga and his bodyguard were ambushed by gunmen in the city of Hostotipaquillo, in the central Mexican state of Jalisco, as Astorga attempted to drive his son to school, the LAT reported. After the shooting, local officials said some of the suspects confessed to two other shootings in the same area, including one where seven people were killed, the paper added.

Operation Fast and Furious was intended to allow licensed gun dealers to sell weapons to straw buyers in the hopes that federal agents would be able to track the guns to high-level cartel members in Mexico. But the ATF lost track of over 1,300 guns during the controversial operation, only 710 were recovered, according to Justice Department records.

A Mexican politician, Humberto Benitez Trevino, said in 2011 that 150 people in Mexico had been killed or wounded by guns that U.S. officials had allowed to cross the border, the LAT reported at the time.

Well this was certainly a well thought out plan.  I mean, in theory it sounds great--sell guns to straw buyers, follow them to to the cartels and make arrests....Right. Except for the whole losing track of the guns thing that happened...I wonder how long it took ATF officials to lose track of these guns after they crossed the border--like 5minutes? 15? I'm not even hating on the Federal Agents--the idea was just dumb from the go.

Here Comes Craaazy!

Philly.com:
ORLANDO - The 76ers have acquired Royce White and the rights to Furkan Aldemir in a deal with the Houston Rockets, according to an NBA source. According to the source, the Sixers essentially gave up nothing in return. The Sixers are unable to discuss trades until the July moratorium, during which teams aren't permitted to make trades or sign free agents, ends on Wednesday. The source said the Sixers like Aldemir, a Turkish power forward/center who is playing professionally in Istanbul. The 6-foot-10, 240-pounder will stay overseas, at least for now. The move enables the Rockets to get rid of White's $1.7 million contract for next season and give a maximum contract to free agent Dwight Howard, whom they were still pursuing. The Sixers will likely use White's deal as an expiring contract. There is a team option for the 2014-15 season. 

When the Flyers (rightfully) paid Bryz to kick rocks, I gotta admit I was a little upset.  Not from a hockey perspective but from an entertainment perspective.  Bryz brought the crazy every night.  Sure he was an NHL goalie who actually ducked pucks, but he also said things like, "I’m very into the universe, you know like how was created, you know, like, what is it, you know? Solar system is so humongous big, right? But if you see like our solar system and our galaxy on the side, you know, like, we’re so small you can never see it. Our galaxy is like huge, but if you see the big picture our galaxy (is) like a small tiny-like dot in the universe."

How could you not love that guy? And now we have a new kind of crazy in town.  Sure he's a pure salary grab and expiring contract, and yes, he'll probably never get on the floor.  But if we're lucky he'll at least be around the team and the press to make some crazy comments.  At minimum, he's an insta-follow on twitter for every Philly fan.

Real talk though, don't sleep on my man Furkan Aldemir.  You see the hops on this dunk!? Has to have an 18 inch vertical at LEAST!

Is Huffington Post Kidding Me With This Front Page?

Just So Wrong...

Is the Most Absurd Attempt to Quit Smoking You Have Ever Seen?

Hurriyet Daily News:

In an unusual bid to quit smoking, a 42-year-old man in the western province of Kütahya has begun wearing a helmet-like wire cage on his head, locked on two sides.

İbrahim Yücel, who is trying to kick a 26-year habit of smoking two packets of cigarettes per day, gives the keys of his head cage to his wife and daughter when he leaves home every day. In this way, he is unable to open the cage to smoke during the day, even if he craves a smoke.

He says he was inspired to create the helmet-like head cage by observing motorcycle helmets, after trying without success to quit smoking several times in the past. His father died of lung cancer caused by smoking some years ago.

Since donning the head cage two days ago, Yücel has not smoked a single cigarette. 

At first shocked by the extraordinary contraption, his family now supports Yücel's determined bid to stop smoking.

First question that comes to mind, How does this guy eat? I'm sorry, but I'd rather smoke crack for the rest of my life then go without food all day long.  Absolutely not an option. Next questions (Man, so many questions), why does it have to be so obtrusive and wirery? Like couldn't this guy have created a simpler device that only blocked his mouth? I'll limit myself to one more question--a motorcycle helmet? Really? I'm not seeing the resemblance. Was that sentence supposed to read "He says he was inspired to create the helmet-like head cage by observing motorcycle helmets while tripping on acid, after trying without success to quit smoking several times in the past"?

PS--Why put yourself through this after 26 years of smoking 2 packs a day? I hate to tell you Ibrahim, but your damage is done bro. Might as well enjoy life at this point and smoke while you got em....

76ers Summer League Roster is Straight Fire

76ers Roster (via philly.com)
A starting 5 that looks like this:
PG: Michael Carter-Williams
SG: Khalif Wyatt
SF: James Southerland
PF: Arsalan Kazemi
C: Arnett Moultrie

Never mind the fact the 76ers are going to lose 65 games this year, the Vegas Summer League is going to be Faaaaaantastic! This team will certainly be more entertaining than watching Spencer Hawes plod around the paint while Evan Turner misses 19ft jumpers and Thad Young continues his quest to "breakout" while playing 0 defense.  Why not just go full retard and trot this summer league squad out for 82 regular season games?

Wiggins 2014.

PS--On second thought, David Stern is still around till February.  Better not go full retard.

Meet the Woman Kicked Out of a Water Park Because, Well..Nobody Wants to Look at That

Lose another 100 and we can talk honey...Ok, 25.

Robert Gill Just Crushed the Treadmill Game

Not even sure what to say about this video.  Absolutely insane display of athleticism. I had goosebumps watching this video-just waiting for him to eat it face first.  Sadly that didn't happen though. I mean it would have surely been a more entertaining video if he did right?   And really, how stupid is Robert Gill for doing this? He's not some high school recruit or NFL hopeful hoping to get recognized or boost his value with a viral video. He's an NFL Wide Receiver witha  contract--what does he have to gain? Nothing. Just his ACL, MCL and possibly life to lose...

PS--Just found out that Robert Gill is a 29 year old rookie who spent time playing semi-pro and CFL football before winning a 3 year contract after one practice with the Cardinals.  Shouldn't this make him even MORE careful?

Gill's backstory here

Poll: Gill's decision to run 25mph on the treadmill was?

Integrating Women Into the Military's Combat Roles is Going as Well as You Would Expect

Business Insider:
The military’s attempt to integrate women into combat roles continues to have trouble getting off the ground, as two more women have washed out of the Marine Corps Infantry Officer Course, according to Dan Lamothe at the Marine Corps Times.

Neither of the two women could pass the Combat Endurance Test at the start of the Marine Corps' grueling Infantry Officers Course.

Of the 10 women who have thrown their hats in the ring at IOC so far, just one has passed the Combat Endurance Test, and she dropped out of training with a stress fracture in her foot a week later.

This effort needs to just stop.  When will it be OK for people to recognize that women are different (not as strong, athletic, smart?) than men? I imagine the embarrassing performances at IOC only makes the military experience worse for the women in the normal ranks too.  So let's just put a stop to this nonsense before it gets more laughable.

PS--I am NOT pretending that I could make it through IOC, but I'm not putting myself out there and demanding to be part of the Marine Corps Infantry either...

The 5 People You're Going to See at the Shore This 4th of July

1) Working From Home Guy:  This is the friend who wants everyone to know that his job is SO important that he can't take a minute away--even on the beach.  He probably works in finance or as a lawyer and he almost definitely makes more money than you (and has almost definitely made that clear more than once).  He'll spend the entire beach day scrolling through his super cool "work issued blackberry" or pretending to read materials he felt necessary to print out and bring with him.  Doesn't matter that he's been looking at espn.com or staring at the same graph for the past hour, his work is crazy special and important and he wants the world to know it.  

2) Patriotic Drunk Guy:

He will be wearing at least ONE piece of American flag clothing for the entire long weekend.  More importantly, he will make it his patriotic duty to make sure he is getting obliterated at all times.  Expect him to randomly break into the Star Spangled Banner at any time while always looking for a reason to chug a beer.  Can't hate on this guy--he gets it...

3) Super Drunk Party Girl:

Like Patriotic Drunk Guy, she comes to the shore on 4th of July to get LOOSE.  She'll likely be in a bikini top for the majority of the weekend, dancing to music that's often only in her head and screaming for the newest Rihanna song to be played again.  She'll chug beers with Patriotic Drunk Guy and maybe even let him take shots off her stomach, but sadly she'll inevitably go to bed with Working From Home Guy...

4) Instragram Girl:

She will spend the entire weekend documenting the "unique awesomeness" of 4th of July weekend for all 86 of her followers.  Any American flag that she sees will become an artistic commentary on the cost of our independence once she applies the "Valencia" filter.  Don't let a red Solo Cup sit next to a blue one--she'll be all over that in a second too...

5) Hardo on the Grill:

This Next Iron Chef will take his 4th of July grilling duties WAY too seriously.  Don't even step next to him while he's at work because you might create hot spots on the grill.  Never mind that he's cooking frozen Bubba Burgers and burning National Hebrew franks, he's got a job to do and for him it's serious business.  As an added bonus, he'll be sure to spend the night fishing for complements on his burgers and touting his "secret sauce" (ketchup and mayonnaise).

HONORABLE MENTION

1) Severe Sunburn Guy:  

4th of July weekend is his first weekend at the shore and he's going to make up for lost time.  He's looking to get that sweet tan on day 1 and he knows the best way to do that is to apply 4 SPF tanning oil.  He won't even realize just how bad the burn is until he's left the beach and steps into the shower.  He'll spend the rest of the weekend reeking like aloe vera and wearing a long sleeve shirt.  As an added bonus, he gets to look like Captain Asshole at work on Monday with his red and now peeling face.

2) Independence Day Expert:

In case you had forgotten, 4th of July is not just a day off from work.  It's about celebrating our nation's independence.  And this guy will be sure to remind you of that every chance he gets.  Do you know the history of the American flag or when Independence Day was first celebrated as a national holiday? Doesn't matter if you don't care, cause this guy is going to tell you anyway.

How is No One Talking About Jonathan Pettibone Dating Barstool.com Smokeshow Hall of Famer Kacie

3.99 ERA, 1.39 WHIP, 10.0 Tag Piece....

Meet the Red Power Ranger, Your 2013 Egg Throwing Champion

Had the form of a Champion even back then....

Honest Question: Can You Visit a Porn Site Without Jerking Off?

In my quest to get super ripped (I'm not) I often read fitness articles on the likes of menshealth and mensfitness.  A while back, I read that if you viewed porn but didn't jerk off before a workout that your performance in the gym would be elevated--something about increasing your testosterone levels.

So today I happened to be prepping for a heavy chest workout and I went to pornhub.com.  All it took was the words "Tori Black and Faye Regan" and I knew I wasn't leaving the site with my load in tact.  GOOD NIGHT MIKE!

This got me thinking--is it even possible to visit the likes of Pornhub and not jerk off? I mean if it wasn't  Tori Black and Faye Regan it could've just as easily have been "Hot Cougar POV Blowjob." So I ask the readers (all 2 of you), Can you visit a Porn Site and not blow a load?

Can You Visit a Porn Site and Not Jerk Off?

Man Who Think His Girlfriend is Cheating Checks Her Cellphone. Finds WAY Worse

Russian Space Program FAIL

Times of London:

An unmanned Russian rocket crashed spectacularly this morning moments after lift-off from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan.

Russian media reported no injuries but the value of the loss of the three Glonass navigation satellites that the rocket was carrying is estimated at about $200m (£130m). The cost to the already damaged reputation of Russia’s space programme may prove even greater.

Probably not a good look for your $200 million dollar rocket to explode moments after launch.  Aren't these the same guys who were going to put Lance Bass into space? Too bad that never worked out...

Fat Chick Pissed Off Because She's Too Fat for Pedicure Chair

Anorak:

YOU marvelled at the woman too fat to tan. Now read about the woman too fat for a pedicure.

To Hot Springs, Arkansas, where Rachel Bascue has been refused a pedicure at Regal Nails Salon because of her size.

One day earlier, Rachel’s mother had also been refused a pedicure at that salon for the same reason.

This time, however, Rachel taped the visit. We hear a staff member tell her:

 ”The chair under 250. You cannot fit.”

Another tells her:

“I’ve tried to tell you too many times. It’s not fit for you. It’s dangerous. It is for your own benefit.”

Ms Bascue said she suffered emotional abuse:

“I have been talked about and made fun of, but this is the first time I was made to feel like afreak.”

The nail salon did not point out that she was wearing two different shoes…

I feel like you hear these stories all the time--fatty gets refused service because she's LEGITIMATELY TOO DAMN FAT and then claims emotional suffering, abuse etc...  You know what? That chair was probably not built to handle someone over 250 pounds.  And even if that's not true, I can't blame the salon workers for not wanting to scrub this beast's hoof pads.  Video of the emotional abuse victim below...Nothing too funny from the victim but worth a watch for the salon employees fulfilling every Asian pedicure stereotype you could hope for.

Allow me to re-introduce myself...

I don't wear jerseys cause I'm 30 plus.  I'm also unemployed with too much time on my hands.  I'd say I spend 50% of my waking hours during the week refreshing barstoolsports.com.  So when I saw Mo's post about a Philly writer needed; well, I got myself into action.

I have, on numerous occasions in the past created blogs (I usually keep them going until my family starts reading them and things get awkward) so if you want to catch a bigger glimpse of my style check out checkingitdown.blogspot.com or couchsitter.wordpress.com (my plan was to use that one for my audition blog but Wordpress was giving me all kinds of problems--don't know if I'm just retarded or if Wordpress sucks).

Anyway, I'm gonna start blogging now.  The goal is a seat on The Stool but if I entertain a few people along the way that's good enough for me.

BGILS